And I thought I was getting more confident as the days went on. It is hard to describe. It was like... before you couldn't make choice between going left or right. Maybe at right you get hit by bus? Maybe at left there is a robber? But after time went by you casually chose left because robber is probably better than getting hit by bus. You know? With robber there is better chance of getting out alive. It is certain level of risk management. Little by little, I started to apply this to my life. I chose evening out with friends rather than staying alone at home. I chose dinner outside rather than ordering in. I chose saying yes rather than saying no. And by saying "yes" vocally and non-vocally is what got me to this mess and why I am typing this down. My friend, Elysa, asked me to look out for their two dogs over the weekend. I'm not really fan of animals, even after all the exercises. However, as it came natural for me nowadays, I said "I would love to!". Dog sitting was supposed to. Stepping back a little, I tried again. I walked forward towards the door and my right hand instinctively reached out to the planter under the front window. Anything that had been in the planter was long dead, but it was not in the planter that my fingers traveled. Reaching under the rectangular box, I felt a little recess. Inside was a cloth pouch. I pulled out the pouch and shook a key into my hand. The whole thing had happened almost on auto-pilot. For much of the day I had been feeling like an observer inside my own body, following what I could only call ‘instinct’ in the place of the memories that should have guided me. I unlocked the door and pushed it open. Hesitantly, I stepped inside. My eyes needed a few seconds to begin adjusting to the lower level of light. Once they did, I began walking around. It was simple, but livable. There was a kitchen, a living room with a fireplace, a bedroom, and a bathroom. The kitchen had a small fridge, which I plugged in. That reminded me to.
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